Here is a tapping session to get you started.

I realized that before I could invite another in, I had to know what that meant. I also had to be clear in who I was. I was enjoying the time to clarify my passions and purpose, to create a life that I enjoyed, and to understand why I wanted a partner.

I faced so many fears doubts, and beliefs that could have kept a wonderful man away, especially when I began to express what I wanted in a man and in a partnership. Some people thought I was asking for too much and that I would never find someone like that.

Guess what? They were wrong!

I did find him because I believed I would. Actually he found me in response to my universal request.

So this tapping session is for those of you have been told that you are too picky or want too much – let’s tap away that belief, and tap into letting love in and win!

Don’t let this happen to you! If you are ready to share your life with someone special, loving, wonderful, and perfect for you – then start examining what your beliefs are around love and relationships. Get rid of those excuses that are keeping you on the lookout rather than in the midst of an ideal relationship. One of my favorite ways to bounce out those non-supportive thoughts is to tap them away and all the reasons why you believe they are true, and tap into the new empowering, wonderful truths that you are willing to embrace.

So far we’ve tapped on this myth – “I am too independent” and “I have too much baggage”

Now let’s tap on this myth:
ALL THE GOOD ONES ARE TAKEN

You will find by eliminating the emotional memory, toxins and blockage that exist, you will also experience physical health benefits.

“The cause of ALL negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system.”
-Gary Craig, founder of EFT (www.emofree.com)

Many of my clients have found enormous relief from old wounds that have been skewing their sense of worth and love by tapping on those issues, memories, worries, beliefs an concerns they have around relating dating, and mating.

Since I did not video tape it then, I would love to recreate it as best I can for you.  I will be posting a series of free tapping videos on Tapping Into Love and Out of Excuses.  Hope you will join me in the tap-along-to love!

If you have never tried EFT, (Emotional Freedom Techniques) or tapping before, and would like to see an introduction and a demonstration, you can click here, then come back and tap along with the following videos. You can also just follow along now.

Get over your type and open your mind, your feelings, and your experiences to seeing who may be right for you.  If knowing your type were working so well, you would not be looking.  With that harsh realty acknowledged and accepted, are you ready to move on?

Of course, there is the other side of the coin.  He’s NOT my type.  As well as you think you know your type, you also think you know who is not your type.  This is as a big a problem in my opinion as knowing who your type is.’

Let me share this with you.  If I had continued to judge potential dates by types, I would not now be married to the most amazing man and someone who is so perfect for me. I had started to date all kinds of men and learned how interesting, funny, intelligent, caring men can be.  I also learned what it felt like to be with men different than what I thought my type was.

I am so glad that I got out of my own way, finally, and just trusted in the process of knowing the qualities, characteristics, attributes, personality, and way of being together that was right for me.  This took time, reflection and making sense of my past relationships.  It was worth it.

I am so happy that I stopped looking for my type, and began to open myself to possibilities. Now I am happily married to someone who I could have easily dismissed as ‘not my type.’

Chemistry grows over time and is based on many factors. Yet, so many women dismiss potential men because they don’t “feel” it right away.  If you are basing a lifetime of happiness on whether or not your heart jolts at first sight, you are selling yourself short and missing out on many opportunities.

Give a man and yourself a chance to interact, talk, and know him before you decide there is no chemistry.  The other thing to keep in mind is that we often gravitate to what we know and feels comfortable to us on a subconscious level.  Yet, if that were working so well, you would not be single and looking.

It takes courage to try something new and break out of your comfort zone. People, who do, often tell me how happy they are.  There is a whole world waiting for you that you don’t even know exists and that includes amazing relationships with men.  How will you know unless you give it a try?

Sounds easy.  Yet if it were, we’d all be with our perfect partners.  Divorce would be non-existent.  Online dating sites and agencies would not exist and there would be far less singles.  As Lord Chesterfield eloquently has said, “You must look into other people as well as at them.”  Look into their good, their gifts, and see them. Give yourself and the people that you meet this gift and watch the quality of your relationships improve.

Then watch the quality of the men you meet improve.  Love is not easy, yet it is glorious when you find it.  Open yourself to the possibility of love in people and places you might not expect.  Mr. Right is waiting for you.

By the way, for you men this applies equally to you! Your perfect lady is waiting for you to recognize her.

I have a confession to make.  I am not sure to whom I am making this confession.  I guess I am just admitting it out loud.  I have been drowning my loneliness in wine and martinis.  I did not realize I was doing this.  I thought I was just having fun, socializing, meeting new people.  That is how it started.

Here it is.  Another night and the emptiness is choking me.  It is 9:30.  I don’ t mind the quiet during the day.  I enjoy it.  I keep busy.  But something happens to me around this time, and I cannot stand being in this house alone another minute.

So I drive down the street, a short distance to the local scene.  I have several places from which to choose where I know I will find companionship.  I might catch some live music.  I intend only to go for one drink, and before I realize, they are shutting down and I am taking a cab home. This happens too frequently.

Yet, for a few hours I am surrounded by people who are smiling, find me charming, make me laugh and I forget how unhappy I am.  I am filled with all the hope and potential I started on this journey with while I am surrounded in that false sense of intimacy and friendship.

I am realizing this as the hour approaches.  Tonight, I will sit with my loneliness.  There are other ways to escape – Watch a movie, read a book, write a short story, call a friend, the possibilities are endless, and there is so much I could do.

I never minded being home at night when I was home with a husband and children.  Even if they were out of town, or overnight at friends, I knew they lived there and would be home.

I am alone in this place.  I am filed with memories and loss and I can’t stand it.  I was looking forward to being alone.  To getting clear, finding my next steps.  What happened?

It snuck on me.  I did not realize that I was escaping, hiding from the truth.  The truth is I am scared to death. I am afraid that I will fail at being independent, at having the freedom to choose anything and enjoy the success I can create.  I am afraid of success and I am afraid of failure and so I remain stuck in the oblivion of escape.

There has got to be a better way.  In fact I know there is, that is what got me here in the first place.  I can take control back.  Tonight I will stay home and dwell in the possibilities, renew the hope I once had, and stop looking behind me.  I have a whole life to create and I will start now.

Here’s the thing that so many of has missed – We don’t have to FIND love. We ARE Love. LOVE IS always here, if you allow yourself to see it and feel it. Unfortunately we have learned to value our worthiness to be loved through the experiences we’ve had, the words that we’ve heard, and we base our own love on the misguided judgments of others outside of ourselves. Many of us have been taught that love hurts, and is judgmental. We’ve had an epidemic of unhealthy love from our churches, teachers, leaders, and parents. This was not intentional. People always do the best they can with who they are and what they have they have learned. I don’t offer this in criticism, but in understanding and acceptance that We have learned about the love, and that is great news. We are capable of learning, of thinking, of creating anything that we desire. We are intelligent beings.

So, it is not so much about finding love, as it is about uncovering the love that is already there. The beautiful, brilliant expressive LOVE that is your birthright is calling to you to accept your value, your worth, and your joy! It takes time, energy, and intention, and it is worth every bit of it. Your whole life will change when you truly tap into your own source of love. Shift the relationship with you first, and watch all your relationships improve, with your children, your parents, your partners, and your siblings your friends, your co-workers. Everything begins with you and it is healed with love.

This Valentine’s Day I invite you to reconnect with love in all its forms. Yes if you are a happy couple, it’s a great chance to celebrate your love for each other, your relationship and your life. However, do this from your heart and a genuine desire to say thank you to each other for the gifts and expressions of love you practice daily.

It is also a time to express love and gratitude to all that touch your life and an especially great time to reach out to people who are lonely or single. If you are not with a partner, share the love for another single friend, or you children or single parent with the intention of expressing love and gratitude and reaching out to another, not with defeat of being alone, but with joy at knowing love in your life.

Our attitude and intention with which we do things makes all the difference in the results we see in our life.

I’d like to suggest some books that you might enjoy giving as a gift to someone special for Valentine’s Day, or giving to yourself as a gift. Any of the books listed on the page are beautiful expressions of love and a wonderful alternative to a card. A new favorite of mine, which is not listed on that page, is “The Mastery of Love” by Don Miguel Ruiz.

“Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage” DVD set by Mark Gungor not only expresses your love, it does so with laughter!

Other ideas for gifts:

• Create a video expressing your love with pictures and your own words.
• Make a CD with songs that express how you feel or their favorite songs.
• Plan a night of luxury for someone – cook them dinner, draw a bath, light candles, play music
• Visit people in a nursing home who have no family.
• Donate your time at a local charity.

Remember whatever you do, let in be in the spirit of love and giving – even if it to yourself!

Wishing you a day of laughter, joy, and love!
Cheri Valentine
Energy LOVE Coach
Growing Joyful Hearts, Minds, Bodies, & Souls on your transformational journey through love – not for the faint of heart

PH: 603.918.8265
www.InspiredConnexions.com
www.90Days2Love.com

Elise Kloter: Well on that note maybe we should move into our love coach.

Jill Pagano: Oh Cheri take the pressure off me I can’t handle it anymore. Oh I hear her laughing back there.

Elise Kloter: Oh hi Cheri.

Jill Pagano: Oh I think we have a song for you. Hang on.

Elise Kloter: We have a little couple bar intro for you. Because it just wouldn’t be the same. Ok we have to sing it then.

(singing)

Elise Kloter: Hey Cheri. How ya do Miss Cheri Valentine?

Cheri Valentine: I am just fine and how are you Elise and Jill?

Jill Pagano: Oh we are fabulous fabulous. We are so glad to have you back so that we can keep our love biting.

Elise Kloter: I know we’ve missed you.

Cheri Valentine: Oh. I’ve missed talking with you myself so thanks I’m glad to be back. This is great.

Jill Pagano: Yeah. You’ve got some good stuff for us for keeping everyone sizzling this month?

Cheri Valentine: I hope so. I think so.

Jill Pagano: good.

Cheri Valentine: Well I thought I would jump off or piggyback off of something I talked about in one of the other love bites sections where it was like one of those quick little tidbits. And uhm I come back to this because I think it’s so important and one of the foundational things in the whole relating, dating and mating maze. Uhm and that’s our belief system. And you know I really have been starting to tell people what you perceive and believe you receive and can achieve.

Elise Kloter: Lots of loves

Cheri Valentine: Well yeah ya know I like to rhyme. I don’t know. It helps me remember things I guess.

Jill Pagano: She’s a poet.

Cheri Valentine: But you know it’s so true and the perception starts from the time we are very young children and what happens is we experience something either verbally, we visualize it, we experience it, we hear it and then our perceptions how we take that on  and what we believe to be true for ourselves at that time we even feel it in our body and then our bodies take that on and sort of store it. And usually when this is all happening we don’t know what to do with this so it just sort of finds a spot and hangs out in our bodies and just stays there forever until we decide to do something with it.

And so the beliefs that we have really do and it ties so much into the law of attraction. You know it’s that emotional energy so the beliefs the perceptions that energy that we carry that that brings back what we have. So if we’re believing something, if we’re thinking something then we’re feeling it then we’re acting on it. And then all that energy put together is what is creating our life. And our love life in particular since that’s what we’re talking about.  And so it’s such a big deal to understand that and to take some time and look at it.

And I had given uhm a quick little exercise, a releasing ceremony I know in one of the other love bites but I thought you know again yes that’s a good thing to do but there’s so much more to it that you know if that worked for you I’m so happy and if it didn’t there’s more you can do. And some of that is to maybe rewrite your lists of beliefs on love, on dating, on mating and see what comes up for you.

And then you want to ask yourself when you think about those beliefs, those things you’ve written down how do you feel? And see what happens. Do you feel it in your body? Does your stomach get tight? Do you feel a pain in your shoulder? Does your knee start to feel stiff? You know really pay attention and see what happens when you start to really think about your feeling.

I’m sorry yeah your beliefs. And then what feelings do you have and start to just first feel your body and then ask yourself what feelings am I feeling? Am I feeling sadness? Maybe betrayal. Ah could it be hurt? Am I angry? And start to look at those clues. If that’s coming up and you’re feeling any of these emotions you’ve got some real stored energy that’s very negative energy. It’s a very low vibration and that’s causing issues in your life and that’s causing you to act a certain way and you’re sending out vibrations and you’re getting that back.

So if you’re not having a good time of dating, if you’re meeting the same ole loser jerks uhm you know person who just gives you a good time, loves you and leaves you, takes off or doesn’t treat you respectfully that’s to notice. What are you attracting into your life? What kind of dating experiences are you having?

And this is a great exercise to sit down and look at. Try to understand what feelings am I storing in my body and what am I still holding onto that’s not serving me? Are my beliefs encouraging me or discouraging me? Are they getting me what I want or getting me more of what I don’t want?

And then really sit down and ask yourself when I have these feelings what do I do? Do I shut down? Do I become isolated? Do I open that refrigerator and you know eat everything in site? Uhm do I pick a fight? Do I you know get frustrated and don’t want to be home and go out to the nearest bar and you know whack down a martini and then another and another?

Jill Pagano: Let’s see about that one.

Elise Kloter: do you smack em across the head?

Jill Pagano: That one didn’t resonate at all.

Cheri Valentine: So yeah I just think this is such an important important important piece of the whole relationship scene because what, if we’re starting out with some beliefs that are not serving us and are not bringing us the love that we want it’s not going to change as long as we’re holding on and harboring the beliefs and feelings and then acting on them.

Jill Pagano: Would you also, there’s that one, when you said that last step I wrote it down as number five and maybe we’ll get a chance to review them all but then when you asked what do I do when I’m feeling like this you know the martini and the refrigerator thing I also wanted to ask myself what is it that I’m telling myself when that’s coming up. Like what, oh there’s no good men out there, oh I’m too ugly to attract somebody I want, oh you know I never find love there isn’t love out there for people like me. Is, where does that kind of, how does that fit in with your four or five steps you have here?

Cheri Valentine: Well normally after they start are those you know that’s a really good point you brought up because oftentimes the beliefs that we have we’re not even aware of them.

Jill Pagano: Exactly.

Cheri Valentine: So by starting out with a list that you are aware of and then checking in with your feelings and your emotions and your body and then asking what do I do that might bring you deeper in when that’s when you start to really sense those deeper things, those beliefs, the unconscious beliefs. We’ve got our conscious minds that we’re very much aware of and the unconscious which is about 90% of what we where we respond and react from is those unconscious beliefs that we have.

So once you start to understand that you have these beliefs, that they’re not serving and you start to understand how you’re reacting then this is such an opportunity for cleansing for clearing and for really you know challenging the belief. Is it a good thing for you that you become frustrated and angry and shut down and don’t want to talk to anyone and you do this because you believe that you’ve dated enough, you’re sick of dating, dating sucks (I’m sorry can I say that on the air?).

Jill Pagano: Yep. I believe suck is ok when put into the word of that dating sucks. However Elise will find a way to put suck in where you have to blooper.

Elise Kloter: Well now you know Cheri and don’t you think sometimes too that you can almost approach it from the opposite angle? If people are really, if it’s really subconscious and they just can’t come up with what their perceptions or beliefs are take a look at what you’re doing.

Cheri Valentine: Yes.

Elise Kloter: You know take a look at your behaviors. Why are you spending your nights in the bars?

Jill Pagano: Kind of back it from there.

Elise Kloter: Yeah and then from there. Ok what is that saying about my perceptions of reality? You know.

Cheri Valentine: That’s so true. You know lots of times you think, thanks for bringing that up. I do  back people in a lot because it isn’t easy to just come up and know what we don’t really know. That’s a good point to look at what am I doing when I’m doing this what am I feeling? Why am I and you know I’ll share with you, honestly for myself there was a time 10 o’clock at night would roll around and I would just be overcome with loneliness. I had been alone in the house all day. I wasn’t living at home anymore with you know my husband. My children were all sort of on their own. I was alone for the first time all the time. I was used to having a house full of people and come 10 o’clock at night I would be so overcome with a sense of loneliness.

And I was living in a new place and found it really easy to just go down the street to the local pub because there were a lot of people there that I could talk to and socialize. And I didn’t realize I was doing this until I said wait a minute this is not why I’m here. This isn’t what I’m here to do. This isn’t why my life, I changed my life so this is what I’m doing every night. Why am I doing this? And that’s when I started to really check in and realize that I was getting hit and like suffocated almost with this sense of loneliness at night and so I had to ask myself what can I do instead of leaving and going to the bar? And so I, there’s lots of things I could do. I could call a friend. I started a journal. Turned on music that I enjoy. I even went to bed and that was a good one 10 o’clock at night go to bed.

Jill Pagano: Yeah plenty that could be done there.

Cheri Valentine: Yeah.

(singing)

Elise Kloter: I am only kidding.

Jill Pagano: I am not the only person who thought that out there it’s just simply I say it.

Cheri Valentine: It is right you say what we’re all thinking.

Jill Pagano: I mean she says she’s lonely, it’s 10 o’clock and she goes to bed. What else. Put those three together for heavens sake.

Cheri Valentine: So that was a good point. And from there it helped me to look at other things. What other things am I doing and why and where’s this coming from? And that’s when I really started to really examine my life , my relationships, uhm all of them and just you know little by little piece by piece what am I doing, what’s going on here, where are my beliefs?

Of course I wouldn’t be me without saying this because I’m such a huge believer in energy and how it affects us all and there are lots of different ways that you can work with these beliefs through and energetic venue whether it’s EFT which is taping uhm whatever there’s many ways to do this. I mean there’s so many. And it’s not what you do it’s just finding what works for you so that you can change your beliefs and step into the belief that does serve you that you want to believe.

The other thing that I point out too is that it’s not I think sometimes people think ok now that I know this great. But there’s a difference between our brain which knows things and our body. And it’s really trying to find bring the two in alignment and understanding it’s a process. So you may be someone who really truly doesn’t think that you can find anyone to ever love you and want to believe you’d like to believe that that’s possible but you just don’t. I mean your experiences haven’t been such and it’s a stretch for you to go from I am not lovable to I am. So you know how about stepping into the place of I’d love to believe it’s possible that someone could love me.

Elise Kloter: Oh that’s a great middle step.

Jill Pagano: Yeah yeah there you go.

Cheri Valentine: and you start to work with that and then you’re like you know what I really want to believe it’s possible and you know I am starting to believe it is possible and you move up the ladder until you’re like wow it is possible. I know it is possible and I’m ready.

So understand it’s ok if it takes awhile and understand that it is a process. It isn’t like you’re going to snap your fingers and one day you’re going to be like you know on one end of the spectrum and the next day you’re going to be. And that’s where I think a lot of people get into trouble or become frustrated is because with affirmations in particular you know you’ve like ok if you say you don’t believe something tell yourself you do but your body knows it’s still not true for you and then you sort of give up because you get frustrated, your body feels it, you feel it even if you’re not aware of it.

So take the baby steps if that’s what you need to do. If you can’t go from one extreme to the other in your belief system take the steps to get there and it’s ok.

Elise Kloter: Yeah this is really great stuff and it is all about your perceptions. And it is true that what you believe you are going to create.

Jill Pagano: Taking the baby steps, I like that.

Elise Kloter: So Cheri if somebody needs help with this process, if they’d like to get started or go deeper how could they find you?

Cheri Valentine: They can find me at www.cherivalentine.com that’s c-h-e-r-i and valentine just like the day.

Elise Kloter: Ok and when is your next 90 days to love course?

Cheri Valentine: Well I have, I’m working on I have a local one coming up in Portsmouth that will be a weekend at the end of May. And I’ve got a teleclass that will be taking place beginning in mid April.

Elise Kloter: Fabulous and you’ll keep us posted on that and people can find out all about those classes by going to cherivalentine.com

Jill Pagano: And you’re on our team sizzle page so if you want to see Cheri and you want to click on some links to her website go ahead and go to sistersofsizzle.com and our team sizzle page will have her pretty picture right there. Thank you Cheri.

Cheri Valentine: Thank you.